The Changing Point
In my life there is a changing point so pronounced that everything before it looks like I was preparing for something that I didn't understand and everything afterward feels like an embodiment of that same thing. Life feels different, looks different and sounds different. However its not just a sensate shift. It is a radical shift from living in purpose versus aspiring to living in purpose. I use the word purpose however it can be said in many ways. I can say that I am in connection with soul, or that I am in conversation with God or that I am aligned with soul purpose. The words, regardless of choice, simply do not express the experience of the before and after. One can call it an awakening though in my view that sells the journey short. The notion of an awakening speaks of a moment in time and though I can articulate several moments as significant in the process, it is a process of intention first and foremost. A multicolored full spectrum kaleidosope of consciousness, sometimes agonizing, most of the time very intense and most thankfully, fulfilling and inwardly true. Though I listed true last, it really carries the most significant meaning in the process as I have learned to actually settle into my own vivid understanding of what it means to be truthful with myself and the world around me. Though sometimes my truth is not well-received I have learned to stay grounded in practice around truth and allow it to be a practice versus a static state of meaning and attachment.
Along the path of this process of aligning myself with soul I have found one historic teacher whose unfolding mirrors my own. This teachers name is Milarepa and he comes from a lineage whose roots serve us today in the form of Tantra. Unfortunately much of Tantra today is seen through sexual techniques. Fortunately Buddhism took him as their own and give us a modern connection to a wondrous master of consciousness.
My initial connection with Milarepa lies in the nature of our habituated wounds. We were angry young men with too much knowledge and too little compassion and humility. We saw threads of connection yet chose to burn them for the sake of twisted and angry resentment. We saw people not through a loving and kind heart but through their shortcomings. We were taught these things by the examples of our mothers and chose in our perspective lifetimes to heal and grow these scorched inner wounds. To show that the process of healing and growth is possible for all. To show that redemption is a personal choice manifest in presence and not in the blessing from another no matter how blessed the soul.
For both Milarepa and myself, the process of healing and growth was built upon a foundation that required building, tearing down and rebuilding over and over again. The process is seen by modern man as untenable, an approach centered on letting go and rebuilding is seen as wasted effort instead of necessary parts of building a strong inner foundation. This solid foundation is necessary for the soul to connect at the depth necessary for the human being to manifest the fullness of his or her purpose in this life. For me this has shown to be true. Sometimes this is more metaphoric in some lives and quite literal in others. The building of my creative healing center was both metaphoric and literal in its expression of building, letting go and rebuilding. This opportunity opened doors I simply could not see and ultimately allowed a creative expression of self that was both redemptive and awakening. I honestly didn't think what I have created even dwelled inside in this form. It comes back to preparing for something versus embodying it. I let go and this is what happened. I am sometimes asked if I am proud of the center I created and what arises is, “I let go and this is what happened.”